What Are You
Going To Do About It?
Erik A. Fisher,
Ph.D.
What do we do when tragedy strikes or when we lose loved ones? I, personally, can remember the various times in my life that helped me to realize the importance of each day and each moment. Can you remember the funerals and other somber events that people said that they were going to stop taking people for granted, to cherish each day, to say “I love you” and really mean it? How long did it take you to forget?
We have had a tendency in our culture to surround ourselves with things. I have found that we find our power in what we have, not who we are. We work harder to have more and sacrifice the time we spend with those we care about the most. We save for the big vacations, the new furniture, and the private college educations. What about saving time for everyday? What about the times our kids have gone to sleep and we have not been there, the dinners, the games, the concerts and recitals that we missed? I can say that my parents worked very hard to give me every opportunity, but I have also taken the time to talk to my father in my adult years about the little things that I missed when he was working. I just wanted to spend more time with him. It is a double-edged sword that we wield. I have lived it and will continue to do so. I am not preaching to tell you to stop; I am asking you to think and evaluate. It is imperative that we see our role in creating the world we live in and therefore see the role we can play in creating a different world.
We say that we are do what we do for others, but are we? Do our kids and spouses really need all of the things that we want to give them? Do we really need the cars, the houses, the toys to make our children and us happy… Yes it makes an economy churn, but if we are not here to spend our wealth, or we feel too overwhelmed with emotion and pain to enjoy our wealth, then what do we have. A successful economy can occur in balance with a successful emotional life. I have helped many wealthy people who felt empty and impoverished inside, and my advice was not to go back to work and make more money. What are the lessons that have been learned from the recent changes in the economy? It went so high and came down hard, bringing many innocent people with it. It will recover, and so will we.
We have created perhaps one of the most profitable and
materialistic cultures in the history of the world, and it never seems to be
enough. Perhaps we need to look inside ourselves to find what we need. When
people watched all of the papers, and debris floating out of the skies of
I sit here and write this article looking at all of the things that surround me in my home, and I feel the fear of not having them or of letting them go. Living a full life does not mean living a life without the things. What are the things we would be living without, and what are the things what we would be letting into our lives? How can we find balance in our busy lives? There is always going to be more to do at the office. I can always spend more time at work. How long are we going to live in the fear of being without and not see all that we already have?
I think that we all have been in positions where we made life decisions for the sake of more money or more things that came at a cost to the love and support of others. I, personally, cannot begin to count my personal decisions in that vein. We often feel guilt and shame when we make these choices and then seek to bury it or cover it with other emotions, rationalizations, and justifications. But what is the purpose of those emotions. Shame and guilt have a purpose in the consciousness of humankind. Their purpose is to let us know when we have done something to ourselves and others that we need to fix. However, when we bury those feelings, they, too, can get out of balance and haunt us. They are not to be run from but to be understood.
How many times do we have to have these events occur before we realize what is important in our lives? Everyone’s needs are different, and I do not write this to judge others. I write this to ask them to look deep and question themselves. I write this not only as a reminder to you, but as a reminder to myself. I ask each of you to not turn this tragedy into a reason to turn away from people in fear and hatred, but to use it to turn toward those you care about and those who care about you. The divisions that we create between ourselves and others are most often about our own issues of power.
If there is a greater being up in the heavens that created us all, then why would he let something like this happen? Why would that being let us create this reality that we are currently living in? Perhaps there is a very powerful lesson to learn. Regardless of each person’s beliefs, I believe that good can come of this, not in the destruction of the lives that caused and contributed to these events, but in the reconstruction of the lives that this has affected and the way we choose to live our lives every day forward.
Are we going to let another event go by without changing the way we live and cherishing everyday of our life? Each of our lives is about personal power and choices. If we feel that we do not have this personal power, then we have to see how we are giving our power away. When I counsel and guide people, I ask them to end everyday by asking themselves, “Have you lived your life with Truth, Honor, and Integrity to yourself?” I ask them to ask that question of themselves, because if it is true, at the core, that I have lived my life that way toward myself, then I have lived my life that way to others.
I believe that the “success” of the life that we have lived is not based on the sum total of our life events but in the way that we live the next and possibly last one. In other words, while we may make mistakes in life, have we learned from them today and made a difference tomorrow? We now are reminded that life can end in a moment. If each day can be the last day of our life, then what are we going to do about today, tomorrow, the next day… Tonight, please try asking yourself, “Did I live my life with Truth, Honor, and Integrity today?” Don’t just say it, mean it. Listen to the answer. I know it lies within.
With reverence and respect,
Erik A. Fisher, Ph.D.