In the wake of the Penn State scandal, many are in shock, asking themselves, how can an institution that is dedicated to the education and growth, mentoring tomorrows leaders, educators and parents, display such callous ignorance in disregard for human dignity and respect? Perhaps this is more of an issue based in flaws in our society?

So many times we look at others who commit crimes and engage in unethical and unprofessional behavior, and we exclude ourselves as if it were impossible for us to behave in such a manner. Many sit in judgment of others, and we hear them say, “If I were in that position…”, while others respond with rage and hatred that seeks vengeance and not truth. We would like to think that we would all make the best decision for all when life calls upon us, but for many it doesn’t happen that way. We have to understand that even the best intended people make very poor decisions at times. While their 95% of kind, giving, supportive behaviors should not excuse their poor decisions, it is incorrect to define them by their 5% or their 95%.

Situations happen everyday in life that we walk by. We don’t respond out of a feeling of fear, helplessness, not wanting to get involved, not being prepared, not caring, not wanting to lose friends or be seen as unpopular… Many may want to say that this is an issue about a university protecting itself, but whether it is a university, a corporation, a government, or a family where many heinous acts are brushed under the carpet, these groups are comprised of individuals, where each knowingly closed their eyes to a serious problem where people were severely harmed.

At this time, there are millions casting judgment on a coach, a few administrators, a university… and still a child’s innocence was taken away. Children and adults are abused everyday, and people turn a blind eye. How long are we going to keep doing this, and how long is it going to take to see that WE have a problem?

We have to recognize that this is an issue of being human. We are prone to mistakes, and some we wish were never made and many can never be undone, having lifelong consequences. We can say, “That’s life,” and move on to the next headline, or we can aspire to a higher standard.  A standard where we look out as much for our neighbor as ourselves, where we think about how an action is affecting another person or group rather than our bottom line, our profits, our team, our politics… We each have choices to make everyday. Are you going to open your eyes or keep them closed?

I would propose this. Rather than focusing your energy on the individuals named in this action, take some time to look at yourself and the world around you. Focus your energy, thoughts, and intentions on what you would do not just in a similar situation, but in any situation that required your assistance.

Do you stop when someone is broken down on the highway? Do you stop someone when you see them get in a car when you know they have been drinking? Do you comment to or seek assistance for an adult who may be verbally berating or physically abusing a child or spouse? Would you stop a teacher or coach from humiliating an athlete or student? Should we really define a threshold for a behavior that results in the pain, humiliation, and degradation of another individual?

We all have a choice here. We can use this event as a waypoint to set the intentions and actions of our own behaviors, or we can take the time to judge others, only to perpetuate the problem, which is about as wise as a Lion eating its own tail.

My final questions to you – How do you define a winner and how do you define hero?

Respectfully,

Dr. E…

www.drepresents.com

Don’t Let Your Career Define You

Too many times we allow our job or lack thereof define our worth and value. When we are out of work, we question who we are because we have placed our value in a dollar sign. When you feel this way, look around and see the other areas in your life where you add value – your kids, your spouse, your family… See how you are important to people around you in more than just your job and what they love about you. If you don’t see those things, then see if there are ways that you can add meaning to the lives of others. Furthermore, if you are in a relationship where you feel that people are putting a price on your worth, look at the relationship, get some help with it if you can, and if it isn’t working, it may be time to re-evaluate.

It is easy to get into a place of feeling sorry for ourselves when we feel down and out. Sometimes our thought patterns can keep us stuck in this. If you are stuck in these thought patterns, check your thoughts and redirect them to more positive thoughts.

Just Keep Swimming…

Do something positive everyday to keep your mind and brain working. People out of work sometimes have a hard time getting out of bed, and that look at the Help-wanted section can be a dreadful reminder of your situation. Read, learn, do something to help look for work or advance your situation. Is it time to go back to school to get educated in something new? What hobbies do you have that you can engage in? If money is an issue, can you find a free hobby? Volunteer your time if you can. Giving to others can feel empowering and you never know whom you will meet or what you will learn along the way. Worry and stress can become quicksand for many, so find a way to keep active.

Exercise Everyday

Exercise releases endorphins. These can help you feel better. This does not just mean to piddle around the weight room and do a few curls. This means do some work. You need to get your heart pumping. Running, weightlifting, Aerobics, Pilates… whatever you may enjoy that can get you and/or keep you in shape – this is critical to your physical and emotional health. Being in shape can also help in the interview process, as it can contribute to your sense of confidence, and appearance often matters in job interviews.

Sometimes We All Need a Hand

Sometimes people feel too “proud” to ask for help. Whether it is needing emotional support, part-time help, therapy… we live in a world of other people. Many people feel happy to help. Never think that you have to do everything on your own.

I put the quotes around “proud”, because that is what people call it. I call it arrogance. Pride is when we feel good about who we are. No matter what is going on around us, we can still feel proud of our efforts and who we are. Arrogance is a shield of false pride. It hides shame, guilt, inadequacy… When people can’t ask for help when they need it, it is often because they are hiding these emotions. Arrogance can bring down the people around you as well. You and your family can suffer.

Remember that you are not alone. So many people are going through the same situation. I believe that there is always something to learn in every situation and that life happens for us not to us. If there is something more you can do, then take a hard look at yourself and do it. If you are doing your best, then feel proud of your efforts and keep going. Appreciate those around you and let that love in. It’s the most important ingredient.

Respectfully,

Dr. E…

www.DrEPresents.com

For As Long As the Sun Has Risen

Political conflicts have been happening for longer than humans could say “election”; however, in the past decade, it seems that our political parties decided that they were going to spend more time undermining each other than they were going to spend getting the job done that we pay them to do.  They have learned the art of the media machine and use that voice too often to spread misinformation and disinformation to evoke emotion and reactions in the voter base. When these actions lead to the death of others, as it did in Gabrielle Giffords, no responsibility is taken and fingers are pointed.

Many politicians “bank” on your blind allegiance to the “party line”, and they want you to fight their battles for them, especially on election days. Fear, mistrust, and manipulation are often the emotions that are played upon under this dubious shell game. And this has become very dangerous indeed, and we, as a country, stand the chance to negatively impact our lives and the lives of our children for years to come, because of their arrogance and selective ignorance. Trust has been compromised at the hand of greed and power grabbing. We all suffer when we can’t trust those who we elect, and according to most politicians, it is most other politicians who can’t be trusted.

One Term President??? How About Term-Limited Congressmen

This past week, John Boehner made a comment that “There was an elephant in the room” that no one was speaking about, and that was that Obama was going to have to focus on his re-election next year. True as the fact is, the most disturbing aspect of this comment was the look of arrogance that he displayed in making this comment. Furthermore, it seems through this and other events, that he, Mitch McConnell and their republican cronies are invested in destroying his re-election more than they want to work for the best interests of our country.  Don’t get me wrong, there are events of political manipulation that can be cited on each side of the aisle, this is merely recent and salient. It is clear that this game is about power, and it is at the expense of the American people.

What my biggest concern is that our political system has deteriorated to our focus on often electing the politician with the least amount of mud on them, rather than the best man for the job. It has been said that the best people for the job are too smart to put their hat in the ring, and many well-meaning individuals lose their moral compass on the road to Washington.

The Buck Stops Here

All of this has happened on our watch, and we are participating, blindly or actively. How do we fix this problem? I don’t know. The Tea Party was born out of good intentions, but even that has begun to be swallowed up by “the Game” that is played on Capitol Hill. After all, we know what the road to hell is paved with.

It is my hope that we resolve this issue of the debt ceiling before it is too late. What is already too late is that we have lost faith and trust in our political system, and it is lacking in honor, respect and integrity. If we are going to rise out of this, we have to set a higher bar in Washington than destroying our rivals and take personal responsibility for how those who represent us behave. As for integrity??? Structures that have no integrity crumble under pressure. What will also come tumbling down should our political system crumble, and what will be the ultimate cost?

I will leave you with this, Washington is not a school yard playground to settle scores and see whose got the biggest “feet”. The intentions of our forefathers were to create a center for our nation’s government with the ideal that intelligent, honorable, respectful men would meaningfully solve problems facing our Republic to benefit the greater good. We say we are the greatest country in the world… It is time to act like it.

Respectfully,

Dr. E…

www.DrEPresents.com

I grew up with a dad who worked a lot. His work was important to him, but it wasn’t until later that I truly realized why. As I kid, I wanted him to play with me, be at my baseball games, soccer games, scouting events, and while he made some of them, his attention to his work seemed to take precedence. I remember that when we did play pool together, he would beat me again and again, and was amazed that I would come back for more. But what he taught me was that he didn’t play down to me, he challenged me to play better, and when I did beat him, I knew I got his best.

When I was 8, my brother died, and while this was painful to experience as a child, I now, as a father, can more dearly understand how difficult this must have been for him. My Father tried to revive him when he found him on the floor, and his best efforts could not bring him back to life. It was in this time, as I reflect back, that my dad was selfless in times that required strength. My parents’ priority was to make sure that we, as a family stuck together, and while they both mourned the loss of their child in somewhat silence, in a time when expression of emotion was not the norm, they continued to support their children the best they knew how. As a family, we stayed together, and I remember that my Dad worked hard to make that following Christmas memorable. I think what my parents learned from the loss of their son was that life was precious and time together was important.

I remember my Dad and I usually making an annual trek to a Browns or Indians game when I was growing up, especially the Monday Night game against the Cowboys. Man was it cold. I grew up wanting more from my Dad, without understanding him and how he showed love. I didn’t appreciate his hard work and his humility. I now do. It was important for him to find me jobs at his office. That was how he connected with me. I was often known as the boss’ son, and while there were a few times I let him down, he never made it more about him, but I knew his expectations.

In my high school and college years, I had a few run-ins with my Dad, but instead of pushing me away, yelling or becoming aggressive, we had the brief, but serious talk, and he never held things over my head. He understood my humanness.

The summer before I was getting ready to graduate from college, he would call me from work and ask me to meet him for lunch. I would, and we would talk. He would listen, and he said he was sorry. He said that he knew he worked too much, and buried himself in his work after my brother died. He didn’t want his grief to be our grief. He believed his job was to be strong.

When my Dad was running a company outside of Detroit (while my parents still lived in Cleveland), I just graduated from college on my way to Grad school. He asked me to work for him to design and build the landscaping around their major rebuild of the company grounds. We spent the summer driving to and from work together (Dad, the left lane is for people who like to drive faster than the speed limit). Even when he asked me to do this, I didn’t realize how much he believed in me. We had some of the best talks driving to and from work and to and from Detroit to Cleveland for the weekends. What he also told me about why he worked so much then was that he felt it was his job to make sure that we had the ability to do the things as kids so that we could have a better life, and he was felt fortunate that he loved what he did.

And when my wife and I moved into our first house, with the help of my parents, he came to help landscape our yard with me. That is when my Dad realized I was an adult when I said, “Dad there are 50,000 ways to plant a rose, and it will still grow. Trust that you taught me well.” While I added an expletive to my comment, he stopped, listened, filtered and trusted my judgment.

And when my first business failed, and I was under a mountain of debt and stress, he came to help me dig myself out (pun intended). When I broke down during a hard day and went back to his temporary office and apologized for letting him down, all he said was, “Are you kidding me? I wish I had the courage to take the risk to do what you did.”

What my Dad learned from working too much was how to be a better grandfather and how to be a better father to us in our adult years. I am inspired by his ability to take responsibility for his mistakes and perhaps the highest compliment he paid me was telling me that I taught him how to hug and that I taught him more about emotion than anyone ever had.

He is loved by ALL of his grandkids, whether he is Big Daddy, Be-Paw, or Grandpa Buddy. He is known for his sense of humor, and the time and patience he takes with them to teach them about the simplest things in life. I loved watching him with my daughter, as he listened intently. Whether it is blowing bubbles, swimming in the pool, making funny faces, or finding fun in just about anything, he spent the time with his grand kids that they will remember for a lifetime. I feel proud that my daughter will remember her Big Daddy, and she got to read him Nursery Rhymes tonight on the phone.

You see, my Dad’s health has taken a turn for the worse in the past few days, and I am heading to Tucson tomorrow to hopefully get there in time. I pray for the weather and flight schedules to cooperate. For 13 years he has honorably and resiliently lived with cancer, not complaining much through the surgeries or the chemo – just showing a desire to live, not selfishly out of fear of death, but to share and create more memories for all of us, and to be a best friend to his wife. Through example, both of my parents taught us that we could find and marry our best friends. And I thank you both for loving my wife, as you love your own daughters. He has defied death, to champion life, and his strength makes me want to be a better man and to give to my generation and the next.

What I want you to know Dad is that you taught more than you knew, and even more, you had the courage to allow me to be your teacher. I thought for so long that I had created my equity-based approach to the world from understanding a control-based society, but now realize that my parents fostered an environment that allowed me to explore and respected my value. For giving me the permission of self-discovery, I thank you both.

I know that I am very fortunate to have a Father with integrity, who valued hard work, honesty, and who loved us the best way he knew how. I have come to appreciate the greatness of my Dad not just by seeing who he is and who he has become, but by working with so many people in my work who did not have a Father like mine. He is human and he knows it, and he accepted our humanness. I am sorry that it took me this long to truly understand him and how proud he felt of all of us, but I know it now.

Dad, I want to tell you that I love you more than you may ever know, and I am glad I got to tell you, in your living years. I feel proud to call you Big Daddy, and I speak for all of us when I say that you leave this world in a better place than it was when you got here, and we will carry the best of what you taught us into our futures. I hope that one day the world knows how great my Dad is, but I know it is enough for him that his family knows.

Respectfully,

Your son, Erik Anthony Fisher, aka Dr. E…

Nursery Rhymes can be great teachers, and not just for kids. Many are not aware that the origins of many nursery rhymes were based in the monarchies when people did not have free speech and would create parodies of political situations hidden in the subtext. The great fact about many stories and parables is that they can be timeless, and so many of them are still apropos. So what can Humpty Dumpty teach us today?

Humpty Dumpty Sat On A Wall

How often do kids get in trouble for fibbing, manipulation of the truth or outright lies, and how serious are the consequences that we impose on them – grounding or time-outs, mouth washed out with soap, spanking or even physical beatings that cross the lines of abuse? How often to we ask ourselves why they are doing it or where they learned it? I think that for many of us, we have to look no farther than ourselves and then to society to find the answers to our questions.

The most basic motivation for a lie is to create an alternative truth or “shell” around ourselves that misdirects from our actual truth. We tell lies for some of the following reasons: to avoid pain, appear as greater than we are, create or feed fear, avoid our own fears and inadequacies, undermine or usurp others, create doubt, avoid responsibility… As you can see, many of these reasons overlap and are based in a lack of integrity.

Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Fall

I often tell people who come to see me that you can’t grow up in France and not learn to speak some French. More times than not, kids are a mirror to the adults around them, within their family and their culture. They are like passive sponges and their actions are often just reflecting back what they see. I think we also have to consider that the act of lying is an aspect of the human condition, and while this may be the case, it does not mean that we cannot aspire to a higher standard and level of behavior, especially as adults. What this translates into is the idea that we create an ideal self that we want to believe in and want others to believe in. The lie hides our real and our feel and the more disparity between the real, feel, and ideal, the farther there is to fall.

Issues of lying, manipulation and lack of integrity in our culture are reflecting on us from all angles. In our families, our political culture, religious culture, sports culture, corporate culture, the media… The problem is that many people believe that this is just the way it is. We believe that this is acceptable behavior, and many people strive to see how well they can play the game, whether it is lying about doing homework, responsibility for manipulating political facts, abuse of steroids, cooking financial books… We all may have our justifications for why we lie and manipulate the truth, but what we all need to see is that the reasons are self-motivated first.

All The King’s Horses and All The King’s Men

We often don’t like to look at the darker side of ourselves, and our denial can lead to our undoing and pain and even death to others around us. The consequence of this undoing often leads to more lies and manipulation to further cover our tracks. The question is, when will it stop? When do we say enough, not just in society, but within ourselves?

We can look to the rest of the world around us and blame them for our actions and manipulations, or we can look to ourselves and take accountability.

Couldn’t Put Humpty Together Again

Other people cannot put our lives in order and resolve our inability to look at our truth, however we are also ultimately responsible for the manipulations and falsehoods that we present to others. The stories, lies and manipulations that we put out there do not solve problems, they create more, and as we have seen so many times around us, the results can be tragic. Don’t the children of our generation and future generations deserve the truth? Do you have the courage to live in your truth?

Stay Tuned…

Dr. E…

www.DrEPresents.com

In all seriousness, where has this journey taken us? Well, for as long as time has been ticking we have been and will continue to be beings that are anthropologically, genetically, physically, emotionally and spiritually driven to engage in sexual relationships with others. That has not been the issue of this series. I am all for people having sex. The issue is how we go about pursuing sex and how, in many ways, we have become slaves to our cultural beliefs, attitudes, behaviors and language of sex. IMHO, sex is one of the most sacred experiences in which we can engage with another person, and it is important that we see it that way for ourselves and others to preserve our self-respect and others’. Probably the most important subtext to this series has been the effect of our attitudes and the influence of various cultural issues on our kids. Honestly looking at all of these factors when it comes to ourselves, it is the influence of our issues on our kids is often the hard part.

Lost and Found Along the Way

It has not been my goal to come across as judgmental, nor holier than thou. I am not taking a religious nor political point of view; I am more focused on the health of our collective spirit. Sometimes in life, we become distracted by that which looks and feels inviting. This is not always in our best interest.

Life offers many distractions and temptations and so many things become a part of these distractions: work, play, relationships, television, internet, the media, drinking, drugs, social life, how we look, who likes and loves us… Many of these things I have touched on, and one of the common denominators of all these issues is often sex. It is ultimately up to us to take responsibility for what we focus on. It is my sincerest hope that you have grown through this exploration. These are some of the issues that I would like you to consider when considering your choice, not just in sex, but in life:

• Are we making the choice that brings us instant gratification, or making choices that look at our long-term best interest?
• Are our actions dishonoring our self and our soul, or are we loving, respecting and honoring ourselves?
• Are we looking for a quick fix, or are we truly looking for intimacy?
• Are our behaviors and attitudes carelessly affecting our children, or are we careful about what they see and hear?
• Are we indifferent to our children’s awareness and attitudes about sex/life, or if we are invested in what they are learning and doing?

I hope these become guidelines for you to use in your everyday life to help direct your choices for you and those you guide. Never forget the power that you have in what you create. No matter what you do create, do it from a place of love, and let that become its foundation. After all, amusement parks can be enjoyable when we ride them safely. When I’m done with this blog, I am going to Disney World.

The Pledge

I hope you will take the following pledge and will allow this to become a part of your everyday living.

I pledge to learn more about love, what it truly is and truly isn’t. I agree that sex is not love, but instead can come from a place of love. I agree to honor, my body, mind and soul and commit to the intention of acknowledging my mistakes in the context of sex and love and to learn and grow from them. I understand that to err is human and forgive myself and others is Divine.

I understand that sex is not a shameful or guilty act, and also acknowledge that sex, intimacy, trust and love belong hand-in-hand-in-hand-in-hand, and one without the others may not honor the creator’s intended design. I understand that it is my place to find my power and ability to love myself from within and will honor others as I honor myself.

Sex is not intended to be a vehicle of power, status or control, but a vehicle of love and connectedness that is the culmination of a respectful and healthy relationship based in Agape, Eros and Philos. I owe this commitment to myself, those I love, and those I will love.

Respectfully,

Dr. E…

What a truly inspiring week for the sum of humanity who witnessed the miraculous rescue of the Chilean miners. Whether one was involved personally or was riveted to the television, this event went a long way to redefining how we can all witness a news event as a positive outcome and challenge us to seek a more peaceful world. And my being an On-Air consultant to CNN Networks during their climb to earth was a once in a lifetime gift. Perhaps the most synchronous part was that the miners were reached on John Lennon’s birthday – “Imagine” that. As a psychologist, I am often looking at metaphors that life evokes, and the circumstance of these miners, rescued after being trapped below the earth, provides such an apropos metaphor for the world to learn from.

So many times in the history of mankind, we, as a collective, have created the circumstances that contributed to our traumas, and those who were supposed to protect us either caused the trauma or did not do what could have been done to prevent it. As a result, we feel betrayed, neglected, unloved, and our trust is shattered like a stone through a window pane. Through our experiences in this world, we are taught to hide our traumas and pains deep inside ourselves.

So many of us have so many wounds and pains that we feel helpless to know what to do with, and we believe that the deeper we bury them, the better off we should be. Sooner or later there comes a time in our life when something so egregious happens that we can’t just turn our backs to it. We have to act, there is too much to lose if we don’t, but we often don’t have the resources to find our lost selves and heal them. We require the help of others. But how helpless it can feel when we are trapped by our own negligence and denial.

So we work to dig and drill down to the depths of our soul traversing the various strata of our defenses, addictions, attitudes and beliefs of indifference, anger and mistrust, the efforts slowed by almost impenetrable doubt and fear, and still we press on, learning that failure is the process of learning on the journey. Quitting, not an option, we continue, refining our technique with proper guidance, until we reach them.

Still alive, we give them enough to sustain them until we can bring them to the surface, one by one, and the efforts begin again.

Trapped for so long in indescribable conditions, banished to the recesses of our unconscious, we understand that to feel our wholeness and resolve our shame we must bring them back into the light. As we widen the reach of our efforts, we are able to free our pain from our self-imposed tombs, and we bring our traumas to our light, and as each is exposed, worn, sickly, and wary of the light, they require time to regain their strength. Share they must their traumas and pains, no more to be buried and forgotten. Learn, we will from them They ultimately grow in strength from the light. Stronger they are to stand with us, changed forever, by facing our truth we realize that our shame was not suffered through the trauma, but was the result of our own disrespect of our self and our soul.

Through this we learn, as failure will teach, that the love and respect of ourselves and others leads us to understand that there is no price that can be put on our soul, nor one else’s.

But when the miner’s were rescued, their president spoke to the world of the “33” being strong and better for their experience, denying their own negligence and accountability. And the miners’ pain and their potential pain to come, should they bury their experience behind their shield of strength, indifference, and financial reward to come, as so many have before them, would only be borne by them as others would have moved on long ago. Shall this all be forgotten when we turn the channel?  I hope not.

I dedicate this not only to the indeterminable strength of the “33” miners, but to the indeterminable strength of the human spirit that lives in all of us.

Bless you all in your journey to healing, and God bless us all in our journey to truth.

Dr. E…

When it comes to how we treat our bodies, there are often wide gaps between our real, feel and ideal, because it can feel painful to be so honest with ourselves and others. We spend so much time trying to avoid our truth and our emotions. As a result, we look to others for approval with our appearance and sexuality to see what we need to do to feel accepted and fit in with others. Family, peers, society and sources in the media become the objects that we look to that contribute to how we determine our real, feel, and ideal. There are many areas in our life where we may apply these concepts of real, feel and ideal and our sexuality is definitely one of them that is prominent in our culture. Too many times we are trying to deny and disprove our feel, ignore our real, and spend too much time trying to support our ideal by attempting to appeal to others through the way we dress, sexual innuendo and sexual behaviors… These behaviors are often accompanied with arrogance and exploitation which become a major part of our avoidance.

The purpose of arrogance is to protect us with a shield of false pride. It often hides feelings like shame, guilt, embarrassment, inadequacy, unlovable, and many other emotions that we consider to be bad, wrong and weak. The problem is that it often our arrogance can lead us to denial and can result in us getting into situations that are over our head and sometimes dangerous and even life-threatening. When we attempt to dress, talk, and/or act in a sexually provocative manner, we are often trying to use some of our “assets” that we feel will appeal to others. We want the attention, acceptance and power from others, often because we want to feel better about ourselves, getting us further away from our “feel” and closer to our ideal, but at what expense to our integrity and truth?

Am I saying that wanting to dress up and look nice is or wanting to feel our “sexual beingness” is a bad thing? Absolutely not. What I do believe, however, is that behaving as we do contributes to our avoidance of emotions, issues, attitudes and beliefs that would help us to become better people if we had the courage to face them. Too much of our lives are spent around avoidance of learning and understanding ourselves, and the intoxication surrounding sex and everything around it is often a great way to avoid.

Until my next post, pay attention to your feel, real, and ideal and see what you can learn about yourself. You may be surprised.

Vanessa’s post:

I have been working with the amazing Dr. E… on helping young people respect and cherish their bodies.  Our biggest challenge was figuring out how to spread this message in a relevant, interesting way to kids and teens so that we were not being preachy or missing the mark.

We decided to write a short series of posts on this topic for our parent readers.  Dr. E…’s first article, [here] is an introduction to the Your Body is Not A Disneyland Message:

“Your Body is Not a Disneyland: Throughout time, people have treated their bodies like amusement parks, sometimes letting almost anybody take a ride at any cost to their self-respect. Whether it is in the name of experimentation or being a free spirit, your body is your temple, and how you and others treat it is, in some way, a testament to your feelings, beliefs and attitudes about yourself. The issue of how we treat our bodies doesn’t begin or end with us as adults. This has a trickledown effect to our children. They are always watching and listening. If we don’t begin to see and understand this issue, our children and ourselves will likely continue this self-depleting pattern. Why and how do we develop our attitudes and beliefs about sexuality, and how can we and our children learn to respect our bodies and our souls?”

While thinking about my take on this concept, I remembered a comparison that my health teacher made to me in 5^th grade that has always stuck with me.

“Your body is like a car,” she told me.

“What do you mean Mrs. Brown?” I asked.

“If you knew you had one car for your entire life what would you do when you got it?”

This was an easy question, “I would take really, really good care of it.”

She nodded. “Would you give it the best quality gasoline?”

“Yes, definitely,” I responded.

“Would you wash it, clean it regularly and take it in for check-ups?”

“I would take it in all the time just to check, and I would make sure that people cleaned their feet before they got in.” I responded, reconciling having only one car my whole life and my messy friends.

“I bet you would be careful who you let in it and who you let drive it too?” She sat down.

“Oh my goodness yes.  I would only let people I really, really trust drive it.”

“Have you ever thought that your body is like getting one car for your entire life?”

I had not, but now I was getting the comparison.  Here are the tips that changed how I treat and think about my body. I challenge you to share them with your family:

1. You only get one, so treat it very carefully.

2. Take preventative care.  Make sure to protect the outside and the interior with sunscreen/carwax, vitamins/leather cleaner.

3. Get regular check-ups.

4. Have fun too, but always make sure you are safe.

And the most important one…

5. Only let people you really trust and love get into it.

Dr. E…’s [second and third installment] addresses love head on, from a global, scientific and even historical perspective.  I thought I would add to these angles by bringing an example that many kids understand in real terms.  They would never let someone they did not know or trust drive the only car they get for their entire life.  It is the same thing with loving relationships and with sexual relations.

I hope that you can talk to your kids about treating their body more like a once in a lifetime car, and less like a Disneyland.

Next Installment: The Media Machine

Vanessa Van Petten, youthologist and teen author of the parenting book “You’re Grounded!,” manages RadicalParenting.com, a parenting blog written by 119 teen writers, ages 12-20 to help parents and adults get an honest and open view into the world and mind of youth. Van Petten’s work and blog have been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Teen Vogue, CNN, Fox News, Real Housewives of Orange County and much more!  She won the Moms Choice Award in 2009 and her work is read by over 300,000 adults.
http://www.RadicalParenting.com

Additional Articles by Vanessa and her crew:

The Laws of Teen Dating: Tween Inter-Sex life Here I go over some popular sexual terms and trends including sexting and what is inter-sex anyway?

Teen Trend: 7 Reasons Why It’s Cool to Pretend Be Bisexual Yes, this is the new wave.  Everyone is bisexual and a lot of teens are now pretending to be bisexual or gay because it is the ‘cool’ thing to do.

Teaching Teen Girls: 5 Signs A Guy Is Only Interested in Sex A parent’s guide to teach their daughters this very important dating lesson.

Teen Hook Up Culture: Teen Sex and Theme Parties Oh yes, teens having sex and Pimps and Hoes Parties when parents leave town or the second they get to college…some myths and truths.

5 Messy Teen Sex and Relationship Issues You NEED to Talk to Your Kids About There’s more to the “Sex Talk” than just the birds and the bees. What every parent must discuss with their teen.

The Sex Talk: 6 Things Parents Must Know Straight from the mouths of teens, what parents should consider before giving the sex talk.

Many of the teen articles are here: http://www.radicalparenting.com/category/sex/

I would not call myself old-fashioned, nor would those who know me, but I feel that our culture’s attitudes and behaviors about sex are out of control, and we seem to be more and more desensitized the more we are exposed to this. I will say that I believe that human body is a work of art and should be appreciated. I am not in favor censorship. I am in favor of good taste and mutually respectful behavior that models and emulates a respect for ourselves, each other and our bodies.

Many of you may have heard the song Your Body Is A Wonderland by John Mayer, which I am sure has inspired many a couple to be moved to an amorous exchange, to put it lightly. However, in our culture I feel very concerned by the trends that we are seeing with our teens and young adults. What I feel that I have observed is that too many people, young and old, are treating their bodies like amusement parks, letting almost anyone take a ride who in interested. What I feel that we are losing is our self-respect, blurring our boudaries and don’t understand what love and intimacy truly is.

We are humans that seek pleasure, and many a medical scientist and/or fan of Sigmund Freud would state that seeking pleasure is part of our hard wiring. We can look back to our roots as animals and find neurochemical reasons why we would seek pleasure. I also look at us from an intelligent design view and can see why sex would be made to feel pleasurable.

In future installments of this series, I will discuss our concept of love, our blurred boundaries and societal issues, as well as a few other tidbits. I hope you will become a part of this discussion as I continue this series.

Respectfully,

Dr. E…